Oswald Chambers wrote “No man
receives a word from God without it immediately being put to the test.” Oh what
wise, wise counsel. Recently my prayers have been quite audacious. In a bold
request to my King, I prayed that He would not only change my heart but that He
would truly transplant it. He’s been answering my prayers. Every day the Lord
has been showing me a little more of the wickedness in my heart. The more I see
how ugly and sick my heart is [Jer. 17: 9] the more I see my need for Him. I find
myself saying “sorry” and “forgive me Lord” more than ever!
I had my morning quiet time at a
cemetery today. (That may sound morbid but I love cemeteries.) As I sat among
the beautiful stillness and greenery reading the Word, I read 2 Samuel 6, which
describes the time that the Ark of The Lord came to Israel. Out of joy David
danced in front of all his subjects. The King of Israel casting down his crown,
his shame, and his reputation, stopped to praise the Lord! It goes on to read
that David danced before the Lord with all His might. Then verse sixteen tells
us that David’s wife, saw him making a fool of himself and she despised him in
her heart. The story goes on to share that when David came home, his wife who
had been watching his display of foolish joy over the Lord rebuked him with
sarcasm saying, “How the King of Israel has distinguished himself today!” With
wonderful candor, and wisdom, the King replies to his Queen, “I will become
even more undignified than this…” (and just when you think whoa that’s enough
for me to feel inspired)… he goes on to add, “And I will be humiliated in my
own eyes…” [2 Samuel 6:22]
See, David, knew the Lord. In the
most beautiful and special way, he knew His King. He knew what His King was
about like only two people that are intimately entwined can know. And what
David knew then, and what most of us miss now, is that loving the Lord is not
about slapping a WWJD sticker on our cars, or a bracelet on our wrists. The
call is far more powerful than that. It is as Charlie Hall puts it in the song
Marvelous Light, it’s “a call to come and die.” And no matter what anyone
says, or how anyone breaks it down into a certain amount of steps, it’s a hard
thing to live out. Death is not easy, and death to one’s self is far worse.
I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, a broken
countenance and the irksome feeling in my gut that today would be the end. Over
the last couple weeks God has been calling me to surrender. He’s been very
specific about the things He wants me to surrender. This morning, I wasn't
prepared for what He specified. So as I sat on the grassy hill with the Son
pouring over me… I’d like to tell you I broke down, prayed, and surrendered it
all… But alas, I can’t. I sat looking at the gravestones and tried to silence my
heart. Unsuccessful at shutting up the King of the Universe, I finally gave up
and decided to drive back home with the radio on, keeping my mind busy, I went
to work. The whole day, as I did my job, I felt like a zombie, a totally
different person. I was sullen and quiet and unable to focus. Then, during the
hottest part of the day, I had to drive over to give someone a ride. I got into
my sweltering car without complaining (totally out of character for me, since I
hate the heat) and I drove. Quietly. No music, no thoughts, just silence. And
lo and behold, I got on the freeway and the tears started plummeting! A sudden,
uncontrollable down pour on my cheeks! Those tears were releasing the very
things that have kept me hindered and stuck. I cried. I cried hard, and loud. I
cried out to the Lord, and confessed that I heard Him and His call. I heard
what He had asked me to surrender but that I didn't want to and if I did
surrender this one part of my life, I will have NO control over it! And oh my
gosh what if I don’t have ANY control over it!? As I prayed and cried, my
ten-minute drive, felt like a long dragged out eternal interaction with the
King of Kings, who was asking me to die to myself in a very specific way, and I
was saying no?!…
I am not on any social network. I don’t tweet, update, or
follow anyone’s lives and pages. This blog is as connected to the Internet as I
dare to even be. I’m much more of a face-to-face person. But, I was able to
waste about twenty minutes of my time browsing a few pages. Why did I do it?
Because social networks are addicting! You know it. I went to look for one
thing, and that one thing took me to another page, then another page, then
another, and so on. Pages are colorful and people seem so with it, and cool,
and fun, and interesting. And as I skimmed through the pages, I saw pictures I
hadn't seen and read thoughts that my friends never share one on one, and the
more I browsed, the sadder I got. Page after page, I saw no remnant of the work
of Christ. No difference from the pages of people who know the Lord and people
who don’t. My heart began to sink. Then, one little diamond in the rough
shinned through and I saw a page that made mention of God’s goodness, not once,
or twice, but almost daily. It was refreshing and encouraging. I quit browsing,
and went on to text the person whose page had encouraged me. The point of going
online was not to judge anyone’s life, or virtual life, but I did realize that
it’s not just me that is struggling to surrender. Many people are professing to
believe in the Lord Jesus yet refusing to become undignified for Him.
We still crave it. Approval. From our peers, our family,
our co-workers. Its there. The nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that
tells you that despite your greatest efforts to deny the fact, you really do
agree that “your nobody till somebody loves you.” In the case of social
networks, I suppose it’s more of, “ till everyone loves you.” Which ironically
will NOT happen if you’re preaching the Word. There is no topic more unpopular.
It’s so much harder to become undignified and foolish for the work of the Lord
when you’re busy worrying about the approval of everyone but Him.
Self-preservation is prevalent not just online, but in fellowship at times too.
I'm not saying unbelievers are this way, I’m saying we’re all this way!
We all care far too much about the opinion of man. Were we to not care, we’d be
willing to make fools of ourselves for the Gospel in worship, deed, and time.
I've always believed that “your deliverance is in your worship.” When a person
gives their whole heart to the Lord, then and only then can they be delivered
and transformed. The point of this mist of a life is to give it away. That
can’t be done when were worried about looking foolish.
David didn't just say he’d become
undignified for the Lord; he went on to say he’d even be a fool in his own
eyes. He was willing to even look into his own life and say, “you look nuts!
This makes no sense! People are looking at you!” (Or something like that). He
seemed to be a man who lived out Luke 14:26 and He understood that the only way
to gain your life is to lose it.
I’m not David. And I don’t think
I can ever be. But I know this; I surrendered something big to my King today.
Not because I had to let go, but because He called me to, and because I believe
Him, I surrendered. I will most definitely look like a fool. And, with His
help, by His eternal grace, I will become more of a fool and do and go wherever
He leads. What David says here reminds me of what Jesus personifies so well, in
the book of John. Over and over He mentions that He and the Father are one.
That if the people have seen Him, they've seen His Father. When the disciples
want to give him food, he replies that His food is to do the will of the One
who sent Him. He goes on to say that He knows the names of His sheep, and they
know His voice. He prays for the disciples, and all future believers.
Throughout the entire book of John we see this loving God demonstrate how His
life is different because He and the Father are one. Jesus, like David became
undignified, even more so. Jesus became a “worm, not a man” as He is spoken of
in Psalm 22. How much more undignified and foolish can a person be than to die
on a cross, beaten, and naked, where people mock and cast lots for your
clothes? And yes, you could say, “but Jesus is God, and He had divine power and
strength to overcome the temptations of this world.” But the crux of the matter
here, is that, we are not God, but because of God, because of that undignified
foolish abandon of self, lack of self preservation and passion for truth that
Jesus had on the cross, we get to partake in that power because Jesus has not
only given us redemption but He’s also given us HIMSELF, the Holy Spirit to
comfort, refine, and sanctify us as we wait upon the Lord. Yes of course it is
easier said than done, but friend, it is better lived than said!
Christ has undone me. Every part
of me is begging for Him to bury and resuscitate my brokenness. It’s hard, and
sometimes painful. I almost feel like I’m in mourning, because something in me
died today. But I know what the Lord calls me to is far better than I can even
dream! Recently, my beloved friend Hugo and I were discussing life and I
lamented my selfishness and he said, “You seem to want to live a very selfless
life,” I explained that its not what I ever wanted. I was called to it, and
because of that call, I want it more than anything else. Because of the work of
my Lord and Savior on the cross, I am undone. Jesus has wrecked and destroyed
every plan, dream, and goal of mine.
Is it hard? Definitely!
Is it uncomfortable? You bet!
Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!
no music, just my heart
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