Surrendering

There’s a church down the street from my house that has a billboard on its lawn that reads, “Do something great for God.” This billboard… bothers me.

Often times we want to do something huge for the Lord. All of my Bible college classmates were studying to be overseas missionaries and many achieved that goal, and here I am… still at home. Caring for a man who rejected me as his child (my dad). I don’t know if anyone reads this. Nevertheless, I’ll share that I have been a caregiver for my elderly, sick, father for several years now. A man I once professed to hate has become the greatest blessing of my life.

Its so easy to dream of being the next Francis Chan or Mother Teresa, people God blesses/blessed with the ability to impact and inspire. Nonetheless most of our missions are small in comparison. As a missionary that lives out a moment-by-moment mission, I know that seeking Jesus involves a daily funeral for myself. Truth be told, it is not easy or fun to dig our plots and bury our skin.

A few days ago in the midst of a dragged out battle of Orc vs. Hobbit proportion in my mind, I wrestled with my sin issues and in absolute sober mindedness and full wakefulness I felt the presence of the Lord, and He said to me, “Aren’t I enough?”

See, recently the Lord has been bringing my junk to the light. A few friends of mine and I are doing a summer book club in which we are working through what it really is like to pursue Jesus in the midst of everything. It has been a blessing, yet as we read, we become more and more challenged and here I am, vulnerable and broken once again before the One who formed me.

And this intrusive sign reads “Do something great for God” and He asks me if he is enough, and I’m supposed to act like I don’t still dream of being in Africa doing medical missions, loving orphans, and curing AIDS? I’m supposed to desire something great, yet be satisfied in Him as enough when I don’t get to do the GREAT things I apparently should be doing? What!?

Then, it hits me. The something great I am doing for God, is surrendering every right, want, dream, and tool of self-preservation. The GREAT thing I can do for God is to get out of His way. It hits me. And instead of pummeling me with stings, it soothes my weary heart.

Jesus wants me to surrender and be willing to do what He calls me to. Even if that means ten years of schooling before I can serve in Africa, if I serve there. Even if that means changing the diapers on my father, even though I don’t think he ever changed mine. Even if that means watching loved ones pass, even if that means surrendering the right to marry, have children, eat pizza or sugar, buy clothes, sleep comfortably, have a roof over my head, have a car, watch the Lord of The Rings trilogy in one sitting (which yes, I often dream of doing!)… the big thing I can do for God is to surrender and be lead in the doing because the truth is that nothing I can do or bring to God is of any worth. The purpose of the Gospel is to love God, and love others and to serve as He says, leads, and calls. Period. All I have to do is seek Him, and the doing gets done.

In doing something great for God, I have been learning that all my little surrenders, things like serving my father, and family, amount to Him doing something Great in me. When I am in Him, serving Him, glorifying Him, He changes me. He is great in me, when I am clinging to Him, surrendering whatever I feel completes me.

No one wants to take the trash out, or wash the dishes, or clip the fingernails, or bathe an 82 yr old combative Dementia patient, or do the laundry, or cook the meals, or change the diapers, or clean the house, or drive people around all day. Its not a dream job, but it’s a job that must be done. And when I surrender my wants and my rights, I find the Great God that is doing something GREAT in me, instead of me longing for the other way around.

I die a little more every day. And no matter how unappealing that sounds, it is the best dream of my life. That one day, I will be fully given to Jesus and living in absolute abandon to His good and perfect will. 

The point of living is glorifying God in everything. Because this life is not about what work I can do to save me, but rather what or how I can elevate Jesus and what He’s done for me and how He’s saved me. So, yes, the answer is, yes Jesus, you are enough. And yes, intrusive billboard on my street lets do something great for God! Let’s start with surrender.   

Listening to KJ-52 Soul Purpose