The Object of My Hate / The Essence of My Love

My father is on his deathbed. 

Silly term. We're all on our deathbeds if you give it a second thought. He lies in my living room. His hospital bed propped upright as he wriggles and squirms in the agony of life leaving his hostile body. His limbs begin to freeze. He is losing the very essence of where life lies. The torment of it all, too painful to describe. I sit, and watch. His legs twitching as his blood rampages his arteries. How unbearable the pain must be. Always had an estranged and damaged relationship with my daddy. A broken man, never having learned to love, he never gave love, cause he never had love, and never knew it could be learned. Then one day in 2008 God awoke love in me to share. And as he sat there and watched TV I whispered, “I forgive you.” The Lord renewed in me a will to love a man who never hugged me in my life. And here we are after years of care and all I wanna say is “don’t go.”  How does one go from being the object of my hatred to the essence of my love? Jesus you can raise the dead from death and you can give new life. I’ve prayed for his healing. But 82 is a good long life, it’s my prayer now that he knows you somehow because he has always rejected you. You say in your word your not slow as we count slowness but rather patient because you don’t want anyone to perish. For this I thank you my Savior, because I know you’re trying to give him time to choose you before he sees you. Please call him your own, and write his name in your book and help me be at peace with whatever you decide. I wanna shout it in his ear that he should let go of his pride, to be your bride is the best prize to be won. If we run the race with endurance. In my wildest dreams, I could not imagine a better goal than to know you, to love you, and to be known by you, most of all. Save him sweet savior. Save Him, my heavenly father. I forgive him, I give my all to you, do with me as you please. Grip his heart and open his hand and help him reach out to you. Give him a lucid moment and claim him as your son. No matter what you choose, your battle is already won. Take my life, all of me. Forgive me for my Jonah streak and in my quiet loneliness take all I have to give. It’s the least I can offer you, since you gave all for me to live.

Just the beating of my heart...

Undone

Oswald Chambers wrote “No man receives a word from God without it immediately being put to the test.” Oh what wise, wise counsel. Recently my prayers have been quite audacious. In a bold request to my King, I prayed that He would not only change my heart but that He would truly transplant it. He’s been answering my prayers. Every day the Lord has been showing me a little more of the wickedness in my heart. The more I see how ugly and sick my heart is [Jer. 17: 9] the more I see my need for Him. I find myself saying “sorry” and “forgive me Lord” more than ever!

I had my morning quiet time at a cemetery today. (That may sound morbid but I love cemeteries.) As I sat among the beautiful stillness and greenery reading the Word, I read 2 Samuel 6, which describes the time that the Ark of The Lord came to Israel. Out of joy David danced in front of all his subjects. The King of Israel casting down his crown, his shame, and his reputation, stopped to praise the Lord! It goes on to read that David danced before the Lord with all His might. Then verse sixteen tells us that David’s wife, saw him making a fool of himself and she despised him in her heart. The story goes on to share that when David came home, his wife who had been watching his display of foolish joy over the Lord rebuked him with sarcasm saying, “How the King of Israel has distinguished himself today!” With wonderful candor, and wisdom, the King replies to his Queen, “I will become even more undignified than this…” (and just when you think whoa that’s enough for me to feel inspired)… he goes on to add, “And I will be humiliated in my own eyes…” [2 Samuel 6:22]

See, David, knew the Lord. In the most beautiful and special way, he knew His King. He knew what His King was about like only two people that are intimately entwined can know. And what David knew then, and what most of us miss now, is that loving the Lord is not about slapping a WWJD sticker on our cars, or a bracelet on our wrists. The call is far more powerful than that. It is as Charlie Hall puts it in the song Marvelous Light, it’s “a call to come and die.” And no matter what anyone says, or how anyone breaks it down into a certain amount of steps, it’s a hard thing to live out. Death is not easy, and death to one’s self is far worse.

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, a broken countenance and the irksome feeling in my gut that today would be the end. Over the last couple weeks God has been calling me to surrender. He’s been very specific about the things He wants me to surrender. This morning, I wasn't prepared for what He specified. So as I sat on the grassy hill with the Son pouring over me… I’d like to tell you I broke down, prayed, and surrendered it all… But alas, I can’t. I sat looking at the gravestones and tried to silence my heart. Unsuccessful at shutting up the King of the Universe, I finally gave up and decided to drive back home with the radio on, keeping my mind busy, I went to work. The whole day, as I did my job, I felt like a zombie, a totally different person. I was sullen and quiet and unable to focus. Then, during the hottest part of the day, I had to drive over to give someone a ride. I got into my sweltering car without complaining (totally out of character for me, since I hate the heat) and I drove. Quietly. No music, no thoughts, just silence. And lo and behold, I got on the freeway and the tears started plummeting! A sudden, uncontrollable down pour on my cheeks! Those tears were releasing the very things that have kept me hindered and stuck. I cried. I cried hard, and loud. I cried out to the Lord, and confessed that I heard Him and His call. I heard what He had asked me to surrender but that I didn't want to and if I did surrender this one part of my life, I will have NO control over it! And oh my gosh what if I don’t have ANY control over it!? As I prayed and cried, my ten-minute drive, felt like a long dragged out eternal interaction with the King of Kings, who was asking me to die to myself in a very specific way, and I was saying no?!…

I am not on any social network. I don’t tweet, update, or follow anyone’s lives and pages. This blog is as connected to the Internet as I dare to even be. I’m much more of a face-to-face person. But, I was able to waste about twenty minutes of my time browsing a few pages. Why did I do it? Because social networks are addicting! You know it. I went to look for one thing, and that one thing took me to another page, then another page, then another, and so on. Pages are colorful and people seem so with it, and cool, and fun, and interesting. And as I skimmed through the pages, I saw pictures I hadn't seen and read thoughts that my friends never share one on one, and the more I browsed, the sadder I got. Page after page, I saw no remnant of the work of Christ. No difference from the pages of people who know the Lord and people who don’t. My heart began to sink. Then, one little diamond in the rough shinned through and I saw a page that made mention of God’s goodness, not once, or twice, but almost daily. It was refreshing and encouraging. I quit browsing, and went on to text the person whose page had encouraged me. The point of going online was not to judge anyone’s life, or virtual life, but I did realize that it’s not just me that is struggling to surrender. Many people are professing to believe in the Lord Jesus yet refusing to become undignified for Him.

We still crave it. Approval. From our peers, our family, our co-workers. Its there. The nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you that despite your greatest efforts to deny the fact, you really do agree that “your nobody till somebody loves you.” In the case of social networks, I suppose it’s more of, “ till everyone loves you.” Which ironically will NOT happen if you’re preaching the Word. There is no topic more unpopular. It’s so much harder to become undignified and foolish for the work of the Lord when you’re busy worrying about the approval of everyone but Him. Self-preservation is prevalent not just online, but in fellowship at times too. I'm not saying unbelievers are this way, I’m saying we’re all this way! We all care far too much about the opinion of man. Were we to not care, we’d be willing to make fools of ourselves for the Gospel in worship, deed, and time. I've always believed that “your deliverance is in your worship.” When a person gives their whole heart to the Lord, then and only then can they be delivered and transformed. The point of this mist of a life is to give it away. That can’t be done when were worried about looking foolish. 

David didn't just say he’d become undignified for the Lord; he went on to say he’d even be a fool in his own eyes. He was willing to even look into his own life and say, “you look nuts! This makes no sense! People are looking at you!” (Or something like that). He seemed to be a man who lived out Luke 14:26 and He understood that the only way to gain your life is to lose it.  

I’m not David. And I don’t think I can ever be. But I know this; I surrendered something big to my King today. Not because I had to let go, but because He called me to, and because I believe Him, I surrendered. I will most definitely look like a fool. And, with His help, by His eternal grace, I will become more of a fool and do and go wherever He leads. What David says here reminds me of what Jesus personifies so well, in the book of John. Over and over He mentions that He and the Father are one. That if the people have seen Him, they've seen His Father. When the disciples want to give him food, he replies that His food is to do the will of the One who sent Him. He goes on to say that He knows the names of His sheep, and they know His voice. He prays for the disciples, and all future believers. Throughout the entire book of John we see this loving God demonstrate how His life is different because He and the Father are one. Jesus, like David became undignified, even more so. Jesus became a “worm, not a man” as He is spoken of in Psalm 22. How much more undignified and foolish can a person be than to die on a cross, beaten, and naked, where people mock and cast lots for your clothes? And yes, you could say, “but Jesus is God, and He had divine power and strength to overcome the temptations of this world.” But the crux of the matter here, is that, we are not God, but because of God, because of that undignified foolish abandon of self, lack of self preservation and passion for truth that Jesus had on the cross, we get to partake in that power because Jesus has not only given us redemption but He’s also given us HIMSELF, the Holy Spirit to comfort, refine, and sanctify us as we wait upon the Lord. Yes of course it is easier said than done, but friend, it is better lived than said!

Christ has undone me. Every part of me is begging for Him to bury and resuscitate my brokenness. It’s hard, and sometimes painful. I almost feel like I’m in mourning, because something in me died today. But I know what the Lord calls me to is far better than I can even dream! Recently, my beloved friend Hugo and I were discussing life and I lamented my selfishness and he said, “You seem to want to live a very selfless life,” I explained that its not what I ever wanted. I was called to it, and because of that call, I want it more than anything else. Because of the work of my Lord and Savior on the cross, I am undone. Jesus has wrecked and destroyed every plan, dream, and goal of mine.  

Is it hard? Definitely!

Is it uncomfortable? You bet!

Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!

There is no greater cause, or worthwhile activity than pursuing an incredibly loving, passionate God who is relentlessly, passionately, lovingly pursuing YOU! Because being undone by the maker of Heaven and Earth through love, and peace is far better than being undone by a relationship, debt, unemployment, depression or death. He is every bit a gentleman, and He stands at the door and knocks, I pray you let Him in.







no music, just my heart

Surrendering

There’s a church down the street from my house that has a billboard on its lawn that reads, “Do something great for God.” This billboard… bothers me.

Often times we want to do something huge for the Lord. All of my Bible college classmates were studying to be overseas missionaries and many achieved that goal, and here I am… still at home. Caring for a man who rejected me as his child (my dad). I don’t know if anyone reads this. Nevertheless, I’ll share that I have been a caregiver for my elderly, sick, father for several years now. A man I once professed to hate has become the greatest blessing of my life.

Its so easy to dream of being the next Francis Chan or Mother Teresa, people God blesses/blessed with the ability to impact and inspire. Nonetheless most of our missions are small in comparison. As a missionary that lives out a moment-by-moment mission, I know that seeking Jesus involves a daily funeral for myself. Truth be told, it is not easy or fun to dig our plots and bury our skin.

A few days ago in the midst of a dragged out battle of Orc vs. Hobbit proportion in my mind, I wrestled with my sin issues and in absolute sober mindedness and full wakefulness I felt the presence of the Lord, and He said to me, “Aren’t I enough?”

See, recently the Lord has been bringing my junk to the light. A few friends of mine and I are doing a summer book club in which we are working through what it really is like to pursue Jesus in the midst of everything. It has been a blessing, yet as we read, we become more and more challenged and here I am, vulnerable and broken once again before the One who formed me.

And this intrusive sign reads “Do something great for God” and He asks me if he is enough, and I’m supposed to act like I don’t still dream of being in Africa doing medical missions, loving orphans, and curing AIDS? I’m supposed to desire something great, yet be satisfied in Him as enough when I don’t get to do the GREAT things I apparently should be doing? What!?

Then, it hits me. The something great I am doing for God, is surrendering every right, want, dream, and tool of self-preservation. The GREAT thing I can do for God is to get out of His way. It hits me. And instead of pummeling me with stings, it soothes my weary heart.

Jesus wants me to surrender and be willing to do what He calls me to. Even if that means ten years of schooling before I can serve in Africa, if I serve there. Even if that means changing the diapers on my father, even though I don’t think he ever changed mine. Even if that means watching loved ones pass, even if that means surrendering the right to marry, have children, eat pizza or sugar, buy clothes, sleep comfortably, have a roof over my head, have a car, watch the Lord of The Rings trilogy in one sitting (which yes, I often dream of doing!)… the big thing I can do for God is to surrender and be lead in the doing because the truth is that nothing I can do or bring to God is of any worth. The purpose of the Gospel is to love God, and love others and to serve as He says, leads, and calls. Period. All I have to do is seek Him, and the doing gets done.

In doing something great for God, I have been learning that all my little surrenders, things like serving my father, and family, amount to Him doing something Great in me. When I am in Him, serving Him, glorifying Him, He changes me. He is great in me, when I am clinging to Him, surrendering whatever I feel completes me.

No one wants to take the trash out, or wash the dishes, or clip the fingernails, or bathe an 82 yr old combative Dementia patient, or do the laundry, or cook the meals, or change the diapers, or clean the house, or drive people around all day. Its not a dream job, but it’s a job that must be done. And when I surrender my wants and my rights, I find the Great God that is doing something GREAT in me, instead of me longing for the other way around.

I die a little more every day. And no matter how unappealing that sounds, it is the best dream of my life. That one day, I will be fully given to Jesus and living in absolute abandon to His good and perfect will. 

The point of living is glorifying God in everything. Because this life is not about what work I can do to save me, but rather what or how I can elevate Jesus and what He’s done for me and how He’s saved me. So, yes, the answer is, yes Jesus, you are enough. And yes, intrusive billboard on my street lets do something great for God! Let’s start with surrender.   

Listening to KJ-52 Soul Purpose

"Lady Lazarus"

There is a distinct smell that is festering outside the gate of my apartment building. When you stand near the gate, you can’t help but notice it. Many people walk by that gate multiple times a day. Yet, I wonder who can detect the smell. I have a sensitive sense of smell, and because of this; I often detect things others don’t. (Usually chemicals, which is not fun, cause then I have to put my scientist cap on and start zipping through the table of elements! lol)

Anyway, this smell has only shown up over the last couple of days, and it is still ever so subtle. This morning as I stood by the gate a little longer than usual, it hit me. As I surveyed the area I realized, due to the recent rain we’ve had, there was a pool of stagnant water that had formed near a big rock. It’s such a tiny little pool of water, yet the smell it’s emitting is enough to cause you pause.

As I walked into the gate toward my door, a thought hit me harder than that smell. That’s what it’s like when I become stagnant in my faith. To put it bluntly, in the words of Martha, the sister of Lazarus, “He stinketh.” [John 11:39 KJV] Two little words that she used to describe her brother, who at that time had been dead four days.

The body decomposes differently depending on the environment. The colder it is, the slower the process, it’s most likely that the bugs found on the body would indicate how long it’s been deceased. The cells in the human body die immediately after death, with the exception of a few, including fingernails and hair. How weird is it that the decedents hair still grows after death! Crazy!

Anyway, because his body would have already started to decompose, he obviously had to stink. I can’t even imagine, what that would be like! I know the smell, but to see it, would be crazy! However, regardless of his stench, the Lord who loved and wept over his friend when he passed, knew that it wasn’t time for Lazarus to really die, and He called him forth, back to life.

This morning’s stench was the Lord calling me back to life, out of the stagnant death rags I have been bound in.        

It seems like for weeks now, the sense of desperation for Jesus in my life has been muddled by my busyness of finals, and my dad. Rather than all the responsibility of my life leading me to the Lord I’ve allowed those things to pull me away. When I am bogged down with life, its always easier for the enemy to distract me from Eternity.

I’ve been meditating on Job lately and how the Lord responds to Job’s anguish and questioning. I keep coming back to the thought that only God can hold the Pleiades (my favorite star) in His hand. [Job 38:31] Isaiah tells us, “Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.” - Isaiah 40:26(NLT). And why do I allow myself to be strayed from being in constant awe of such a KING!?

My pastor spoke through 1 John a while back, and talked about how priorities, fight to be the center of our lives, and attention. I think I’ve been busy setting my priorities in the wrong place and letting Jesus be an extra in my life, rather than being the star. I have been having these depressing and rather emotional thoughts in my head lately, and I realize that it’s only because I’ve been apart from my best friend.

The smell outside my gate is a smell of wet pavement, mixed with animal urine, manure, and mold. This smell is the kind of smell that curls your nostrils. Yet, it’s not yet matured to the curdling milk state, so I’m sure only few can detect it. This is often the effect sin has in my life. Scripture says that a little leaven, leavens the whole lump. [Galatians 5:9] As days go by, I allow myself to avoid the Lord once, then once becomes twice, then twice becomes a week, then a week becomes a month, and on and on. And as I stray from my Savior, I stray from the narrow road He’s called me to walk. As the time passes, I am standing still, festering with urine and manure running up my legs, and my heart begins to decompose. I grow faint, and begin to stink.      

It is a stagnant faith I have been wallowing in. Festering up in ugly ways, stinking up the joint. He’s called us out of darkness, into marvelous light. And yet, here I am dragging my bag of bones into the depths of what Beth Moore would call, “a pit.” In my busyness, I start to feel at home in the mire and muck, and long before I recognize it, what stinks to me is no longer the smell of stagnancy but rather, the smell of life.

My Savior, has bid me to come forth, like He did to Lazarus. Thus to quote a title of my favorite poet, Sylvia Plath, I am “Lady Lazarus.”

I don’t want to be stagnant. I want to thrive. It’s time Jesus, (my Best Friend, my Father, my Hero, my Savior, my Redeemer) and I had a cup o’joe and talked through this death. Cause it wouldn’t hold Lazarus down, and it COULDN'T hold my Jesus down, and I refuse to stink any longer, and allow death to hold me down.

Come, walk with me… Let’s be a pleasing aroma to our King. Drop whatever your doing, let it go, surrender. It can be better. I promise. It can.

Away we go….

Listening to “Oh How You Love Me” by Rita Springer

(If you’ve never heard it, please do.)  

Pray hard.

"Let not your hearts be troubled"- John 14:1 Jesus talk to His disciples, and reiterates that it was best for Him to go. He was leaving to make a place for them. As He prepared His best friends for His departure, He tells them, “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” –John 14:3

Being an ever loving and good shepherd, the Messiah tells His best friends, that He will come again. In the face of wickedness, like today’s headline news of Connecticut, I’m sure we all find it hard not to ask ourselves, “Why? And what’s wrong with people?” and, although there is no answer, I can say this…

“Let not your hearts be troubled.” The Lord continues to tell His friends, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” –John 14:15-21

He was leaving to prepare a house for them, and coincidentally for us too. In the face of injustice, pain, and senseless crime, it’s hard to think it was good for Jesus to go... But, let not your heart be troubled. This is what happens when the heart of man is left to itself. It is deceitful and wicked. [Jeremiah 17:9] Look to Him now, and grab hold of the Helper, [The Holy Spirit] and know that one day, soon we pray [Revelation 22:17], our Savior will return and this whole series of anguish, pain, and suffering will be behind us.

In this season we celebrate the birth of Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. It’s very easy to be distracted by the hustle and bustle and madness of shopping, to turn it into something it isn’t. But, this event is just a reminder of how badly the earth is groaning for His return. He came to bring salvation; soon, He comes to bring restoration. We will never know peace on earth, until He returns to make the new earth. But, now, more than ever, let’s fall facedown and pray for the lost, the hurting, the suffering and for true focus of Him this Holiday.

My heart hurts for the families of all involved, including those responsible for such pain. I know, people have mixed feelings about that, but parents never think or raise their kids thinking that they will one day do such atrocious evil. But the truth is, we all are capable of such evil. So, let us pray. Pray hard. The world needs our Savior more than anything/anyone else. The recent shootings in Oregon, Fullerton, and now Connecticut, are only reminders of this fact. It’s easy to look at these situations and wonder, “where’s God?” But, scripture shows where He is in times like this. He is here. Present. There, everywhere. Sitting Shiva with those who mourn, weeping with those who weep.  

The most encouraging part of this passage is Jesus’ promise that “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” Those are words I know I can bank on, because our Savior never lies [Numbers 23:19, Hebrews 6:18, Titus 1:2].

I just want to encourage you to believe and keep looking to Him as our hope! Because this world isn’t everything, it’s merely a passing point.

Pray.

Pray Hard.

“Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath! Selah… Surely a man goes about as a shadow! Surely for nothing they are in turmoil; man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather! “And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” –Psalm 39:5-7

  

Listening to nothing but the beating of my heart, in awe that even amid the chaos, He still makes my heart beat… He truly does hold all things together [Colossians 1:17] Sigh…

Midnight Confessions

1. I should be studying for my Jazz final tomorrow, but am distracted by everything!

2. All I want for Christmas is for all my peeps to donate $5-10 to a Jesus Well in Asia c/o GFA. Wanna help? THANKS! Go to … https://www.mygfa.org/valslivingwaterfund/

3. Got a Christmas tree today, I spent some much needed inner kid time on the floor under the tree… When I was a kid, my favorite Christmas tradition was lying under the tree looking up, seeing the lights, smelling the fresh pine smell, and feeling the cool oxygen that tree’s give. I would end up napping under the tree. Today, as I set the tree up for my momma, I accidentally, yet joyfully got that time. For years I’ve protested having a tree, cause it’s a waste of money and deforestation issues, which, don’t get me started on… anyway… we got a tree and I was forced to fix it, and as I angrily lay under the tree adjusting it, I couldn’t fight the feeling and gave way to the smell, the feel, the reminder of my childhood, and for those minutes I lingered, (15 min to be exact) I felt like a kid again. Free, unburdened, unhurried. It was sheer bliss! Reminds me of being in the presence of God. Reminds me of a Lifehouse lyric, “How can I stand here with You, and not be moved by You?” Man, I know Jesus is nothing like that tree, but, man oh man, if I got sucked in by a tree, I can’t wait to see my heavenly father!!!

4. I haven’t written in such a long time, but if I were writing, I’d be telling you about my obsession with the book of Jonah! I am such a runner!! I understand him more than I understand most things. LOL. The part I relate to most isn’t Jonah’s disobedience and rebellion, which I do relate to (Lord, and my girls know!) but the part that I relate to most is Jonah’s anger. The fact that he got upset cause God didn’t rein down wrath on the Ninevites is the part that gets me!! Our loving God responds to Jonah’s anger with such grace, and it just melts my sick and calloused heart. Reminds me that the Lord had and continues to have such grace and mercy on me, in my sin and anger. Jonah was angry that God had grace on the people, then God grows a plant to give Jonah shade as he sits and sulks about the not wrath reining portion of the story, and when the plant withers, Jonah becomes even angrier… “But God said to Jonah, "Do you do well to be angry for the plant?" And he said, "Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die."” –Jonah 4:9… ANGRY ENOUGH TO DIE??? Really Jo?! Those words are so loaded!! I can’t wait to dissect them!

5. And since I’m on a Jonah soapbox… “Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love.” -Jonah 2:8 Cuts the fat of sin and indifference from around my heart! The fat that chokes the desire to quit it all and fall facedown and praise my gracious and merciful God! Oh Lord, all man desires is steadfast love! You’re it!! YOU ARE IT!

6. The Nativity story makes me cry every single time I hear it. It blows my MIND!!

7. I’ve made up my mind, Chet Baker sings my song to me best! LOL. For years everyone I know has sang their own version of “My Funny Valentine” to me, which I think is uber sweet, and I love it, but of all people, I think he sang it best… sorry y’all. I love it nonetheless. Don’t stop singing. Oh be quiet. Just sing.

8. I think Luc Montagnier’s HIV homeopathy research is fascinating and on to something… I’ve watched HIV, and I think I’m in his corner… I so would love to work at the Pasteur Institute one day… Hmm…

9. I know that its cheesy, but some Christmas songs are genuinely sweet. I wish we had white Christmases. I’d love to see snow!

10.  My mom was gifted another cockatiel, he is gray and white. Every time I see the new guy I feel like watching old movies! He reminds me of a Hitchcock film. LOL

11.  I think its time to study before I fail… lol

12. FUTURE OF FORESTRY!!!! Dec. 23!!! San Diego! Can’t wait!!! :D

13. There’s an old song called “Midnight Confession” LOL that’s funny to me.

  14. Thank you Lord, for coming to this earth to bring salvation… “Thank you” doesn’t sum it      

up…

Listening to every song in my itunes library… lol

Jesus, bring me paper

Yesterday, my kids (niece and nephew) and I talked through how Jesus wants us to go to Him for all things. He wants us to be dependent on Him in every way, and how whenever we are scared, hurt, sad, or whatever, that the Lord alone can be our comfort or help. This is something we talk about consistently.

So today, my niece tells me that yesterday she and my nephew were playing and that after a while they got bored and wanted to color, and so my nephew, out of no where, asked Jesus to get him a paper and pencil to draw. LOL This lil lazy guy, figured since God can care for him and do anything, he asked him to bring him something to draw with!

Needless to say, I laughed a lot, yet was awesomely impressed with my nephew’s faith. Reminded me of Jesus talking with the disciples as they ask him who is the greatest. Jesus brings over a child and tells them, “Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” - Matt. 18:4

My nephew has a sweet faith in the Lord. He is very theologically sound, and will often inform people that Jesus IS God. Lol. I love that. During his vacation, we get to do daily devotionals, and being ever precocious, he always has some deep and wise application for the Word. It was very heartwarming to hear him being so dependent on God, that He would even ask Him to bring him paper and pencil. I read the story of the blind beggar to him a while back, and as he listened to me, he stops me and asks, “how long has he been a bagel?!” I was almost sad to have to explain that he was a beggar not a bagel.

I thought this was a very encouraging story, so I had to share. If a child can understand that God is able to do anything, and we can ask him for anything, and he can believe that and do it, WHY oh why wicked heart of mine, do I struggle to be like my four year old nephew who understands the simplicity of a loving God who cares about every single need, even one as little as a pencil and paper?

Such a great lesson, Lord of my soul. I hear you. Thank you.

Oh, and just to conclude the story, I asked my niece if she gave him the tools to draw, she said no, eventually my nephew got up to get it. Lol. God gave him the strength and motivation to get the tools himself, our Savior hears us. He doesn't always respond how we want, but He hears us. Praise Him!

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” –1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)       






Listening to CNN report on Sandy... Lord be with the ppl that desperately need you in the East Coast! Praying for you all!